I try to be an upbeat person and I try my best to stay positive for everyone around me. But some days I fail. Yesterday I felt like crap. My body found it tricky to cope with the load I ask it to bear. My mind tried its best to persuade it that it could get out of bed and push through the day, but my tired body said no.
I managed to get out of bed, ready child for school and then promptly went back to my pillow. I am grateful for a partner that understood how I felt and helped without questioning me. I simply hate questions: “how are you feeling”, “What’s wrong?”- I know it is selfish, but I’ll talk when I am ready. I hate over analysing myself when I am unwell and when people ask questions, I find the need to justify how I am feeling – even though I know better. I know and accept I owe no explanation to anyone for how I feel.
After going back to bed, I slept a solid 3 hours – without even waking once – this never happens to me. I am a light sleeper and I constantly wake. I am a restless sleeper – I really do feel sorry for partner, I toss and turn all night. I guess we work because he can sleep through anything - thank the lord for that. Imagine what our home would be like if we were both grumpy in the morning.
Yes, Morning grumpiness – this is also a new thing to me. I was never a good sleeper, but I also needed very little sleep, so I managed to wake with a smile – but not anymore. I am awful!
I try to keep my awful under control for child, but I must admit, everything child and her father do and say annoys me. I even get annoyed with her sweet laughter. This makes me feel even more awful than I already do. It’s a bitter and dreaded cycle I have gotten myself into. I really do need to find my way out of it. I really am feeling as U2 put it “Stuck in the moment and You can’t get out of it”.
I am trying to remember my learning and try and find a better place within myself. I have reopened my books on meditations, and I need to realign my chakras. I honestly believe that this is my starting point. So, while I am trying to sort myself out and heal me, I thought I’d share my Chakra kits with you too.
May you and I find the hope and peace we are searching for.
